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Friday, March 2, 2018
Radio Show 3/2 - What I Learned from John Maxwell - February 2018 Edition
Thursday, March 1, 2018
Radio Show Transcript - Applying Improvisation - Kupe Kupersmith - Recorded February 23, 2018
Applying Improvisation - Kupe Kupersmith - Recorded February 23, 2018
To get to the web page of the radio show, click here.
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Please remember this is a transcript of a radio show that airs live every Friday and is also podcasted. Spelling and punctuation may be affected.
FULL
TRANSCRIPT (with timecode)
00:00:21;25
- 00:03:52;20
Rick A. Morris: Welcome
to another Friday edition of the work life balance. I am going to apologize way
in advance but my voice is wrecked. I just got back last night from Orlando.
The International Maxwell certification event. Me and twenty five hundred of my
closest friends joined John Maxwell in four days of very intense training and
workshops and things of that sort. I think this is my ninth time participating
in that event. It gets it gets better every time. As a matter of fact. Met a
young lady that I'm dying to get on the show. And if I do it now go ahead and
tell you how to time it if I do get this young lady on the show. Any excuse
you've ever made in your life for any reason of not doing something she's going
to talk you right out of that as she had now holds 8 Guinness Book World
Records for achieving activities solely to fulfill a promise to some orphans in
Bangladesh to make sure that they got their education. This lady is one of the most
powerful ladies that I've ever had a chance to spend some time with so we're
looking forward to bringing her on the show shortly. So again coming back out
of Orlando you know got to spend some great time with people that have been on
the show in the past and lined up some incredible speakers to be on the show in
the coming weeks and next week I'm going to detox from the show. I'm going to
just do what I normally do share and pour into you guys and let you know what I
heard and learned as John. You know it was on fire. I mean he was in such a
great mood on fire. And we were we were looking at all of our different
sessions and realized that John actually taught 16 hours out of three and a
half days which is incredible when you when you think about how much he's got
going on so I will pour into you guys next week and share with that but this
week I was super excited. A friend of mine John Stenbeck had had let me know
about a few speakers that really out there and coming up and you know rising up
the trails. And he found out about some Webinar series and things like that and
sent me a list of the most downloaded people in project management right now.
And this gentleman was right at the top of the list. And so I had to have had
to have him down here and when I really started to dive into what he does I
even more had to have him. So I reached out to him immediately and he agreed to
be on the show and I'm so excited. It's unbelievable that he is where he is now
from where he started so I can't wait to dive into that because he started as
an accountant which you know as I do. Aren't those just extremely funny people.
So from accountants to improv comedian to a consultant and back to an improv
comedian there's gentleman's goal in life is to make you more awesome. How cool
is that. He credits his improv comedy experience to much of his business
success onstage onsite and online. He's been helping people apply improv skills
to be better listeners collaborators influencers and sought after Team members
say yes and learn how to imply improved skills every day. So let's bring them
on here right now. Kupe Kupersmith how are you buddy.
00:03:52;21
- 00:04:04;20
Kupe Kupersmith: I'm
doing great. Thank you for having me on the show and I just want to tell
everybody that I did read a Guinness Book of World Record books that night did
I get close.
00:04:04;29
- 00:04:24;15
Rick A. Morris: No.
That's right. That's right. I'll give you a prelude. Just just just to throw
you off for a second. When I say eliminate any excuses this young lady was
trying to raise a million dollars. So she was googling how to do that. One of
the things it said she could do was swim the English Channel. There was a big
problem.
00:04:24;15
- 00:04:33;13
Kupe Kupersmith: I'll
go ahead and give you a guess what you think that problem may be that she
didn't know how to swim.
00:04:33;25
- 00:05:01;21
Rick A. Morris: Exactly.
So she hired somebody taught herself how to swim and then swam the English
Channel. I'm telling you and then when I'm saying are gone my outlook won't
send an e-mail around with like sucks. You start to gain a whole different
perspective. So you're sitting in the audience and I'm such a small person I'm
such a small person but it's coming back when you do my Fitbit is in charge.
00:05:01;21
- 00:05:09;07
Kupe Kupersmith: And
I want to go do my page read battery. Everything you do.
00:05:09;19
- 00:05:40;29
Rick A. Morris: She
taught herself to swim swam the English Channel to give the money away to kids
and get an education right. Yeah yeah. It wasn't it wasn't for her fame and
fortune. Yes. But yes that's why I mean people were just in tears. That's a
whole nother story but it's getting back to you. Talk to me because again the
lead and I took a stab at you just because I can and just because one of my
best friends in the world is John Steinbeck who not only was an accountant but
was on the low side of being McCan a forensic accountant because those guys are
super exciting to hang out with. How did you get to improv.
00:05:42;09
- 00:08:14;13
Kupe Kupersmith: Well
for me I know the story how I became an accountant was my. I didn't know what I
wanted to do when I went to university. So my father said hey you're really
good at math. Why don't you become an accountant. Everybody needs an account
and you'll have a good job. Good benefit. I was like OK well you know I'll go
for it. Went through college kind of board but didn't know what else to do. So
I kept going got my degree and then realized you know what I wasn't bad. I did
about being an accountant but I should use my degree got a job was working as
an account for a little while then what do all good accountants at least in the
US do. We try to get our CPA paid the CPA. I studied for the exam and I think
I'm on record for being the best failure of the CPA exam. Nobody has failed
that as I did in that and that was kind of my wake up moment like okay maybe
that's the sign I finally it hit me over the head I don't need to be doing this
stuff but I didn't know what else I wanted to do. So but I had this like
creative itch. So my first thing was the way it happened I actually saw Jimmy
JJ Walker remember him from good time. Oh absolutely. Yeah this was in the
early 90s. Standup comedy was real prevalent across the U.S. and there was a standup
comedy club on every corner and I thought you know Jimmy JJ Walker was coming
out paid me and my girlfriend paid at the time. Now she's my wife paid twenty
five dollars per ticket. And I saw him and it was not I was not he wasn't a
riveting comedy show. And I turned to my girlfriend Janine that I can do this.
And she said well then go do it. So I got up and started doing open mike night.
And I did as well and stand up probably as I did on that CPA that I have
learned later in life that I have some form of dyslexia on the spectrum
somewhere and one of the things that dyslexia is you don't have a good. Some
people have short term memory in that that's my problem. So you can imagine
trying to remember lines that I wrote in column that you know jokes that I was
writing and I get up on stage and I can't remember them so that didn't go so
well. But I I didn't give up and I said you know what I am going to still want
to do this comedy thing how can I do it and I started auditioning for some
improv troupe and got elected and kind of performed in the Atlanta area for
about 10 years.
00:08:16;19
- 00:08:35;16
Rick A. Morris: That's
amazing and let's dive into improv for just a second because you know I want to
get into how you apply it and you and I were sharing during pre show for a
second one of my one of my great friends and not to name drop but that one of
my great friends growing up was was was Wayne Brady
00:08:35;20
- 00:08:42;25
Kupe Kupersmith: I
just want to let the listeners know I'm not the Wayne Brady level I don't think
anybody is really when it comes to improv.
00:08:43;15
- 00:09:15;16
Rick A. Morris: I
would appreciate that he's. What I've always loved about Wayne is how humble he
truly is and how hard he works at his craft and that's that's the point I'm
coming to. You know people come up to him all the time and they think he's just
naturally funny and of course he is naturally funny. But improv really isn't
truly all made up at the same time. It's accessing a catalog of ideas and
memories and things and comebacks and stuff. It is a craft but describe that a
little bit.
00:09:16;08
- 00:10:12;03
Kupe Kupersmith: Yeah.
It's interesting you ask that question at this point in the show because when I
when I teach improv they do my keynote talks on improv or have workshops around
improv it's something that comes up later because people are always wanting to
they always think people that perform improv are and we are quick witted you
have to be quick witted to stand point but at the same time you it comes down
to preparation and practice. And to your point it is a craft. It's an art form.
So you have to work on it. My troupe weaves and people get shocked about this.
We rehearse three times a week to perform once maybe twice a week. And they're
like What are you talking about. You practiced improv there. I get to winging
it right. It's just making stuff up on the fly into some point it is right
because you're getting you don't know what the audience is going to give you on
any given night.
00:10:12;06
- 00:10:55;04
Kupe Kupersmith: You
are me and you don't know actually there are no scripts you don't know exactly
what the other actors are doing. But to your point about this catalog we would
work our butt off on putting ourselves in every different situation so we would
create characters and that's when we create characters you know Wayne Brady's
known for music that I was never the best. Like on the fly rapper like he is
but that's when you practice that stuff in rhyming and coming up with words so
that you can recall it really quick when you're on stage. But it's about
practice and knowing knowing your strengths and knowing the strength of other
actors is one of the things in improv that a lot of people don't know is that
nobody really wants to be the winner.
00:10:55;04
- 00:11:35;08
Kupe Kupersmith: Right.
Nobody wants to be the grandstand or it's all about how can you make other
people on your stage more awesome. And the way you know that is by working with
them over and over and you know what they're really good at and you're always
trying to get them up. You never want to get the punchline you want to set up
somebody else. They get the punchline. The only way to do that is knowing the
people so well that you know exactly what their strengths are and you can
constantly feed them information that will hopefully give them the punchline
and it just you know that that trust that you have onstage with the other
actors kind of comes across to the audience. And then eventually the punchlines
just start coming from everywhere and everybody happy time.
00:11:35;18
- 00:12:33;10
Rick A. Morris: And
I love that point you just made because to every phenomenal improv comedian
there's always the right hand and they generally don't get the name or fame or
fortune that that the you know. So you have Wayne Brady. Most people don't know
about Jonathan Mangum and Jonathan obviously has done very well in his own
right. But then also Wayne is being loyal as he is. There's never been a big
show or big opportunity that Wayne has taken where he hasn't brought Jonathan
along. And those two met at an improv troupe in Orlando. You know back in the
very early 90s but even on you know let's make a deal Jonathon's The cohost and
royal when they're doing. Whose Line Is It Anyway. Jonathon's they are. But
it's the same thing right. Like Steve Higgins to me I think is brilliant on how
he sets up Jimmy Fallon to be funny. That's the things I look at. Those guys
are the best in the world. They have that right hand person that's team you up
so you can be the funny guy right now.
00:12:33;11
- 00:12:44;27
Kupe Kupersmith: You
know I don't know. It's funny you bring those guys up. I don't know if they
were improvising or not but my all time favorite comedians were Abbott and
Costello or are Abbott and Costello.
00:12:44;28
- 00:13:05;12
Kupe Kupersmith: They're
no longer with us but just the combination of those two and how one set up the
other was just amazing and either one of them wouldn't be as entertaining
without the other. And that absolutely I put improv is all about I mean it's
how the whole team kind of support each other.
00:13:06;02
- 00:13:18;12
Rick A. Morris: So
we're going to dive into that and the team concept or we've got to stop here
and take our first break let our sponsors spend some money and pay our bills.
We'll be right back with Coopersmith listening to Rick Morris on the work life
balance.
00:16:13;26
- 00:16:43;19
Rick A. Morris: And
we're back to the work life balance as a matter of fact. You know I want to do
a little task to make sure we're hitting the airwaves loud and clear. So if
you're out there you're listening to us live just send a little tweet at Rick
Morris that's @rickamorris Let me know you're out there let me know that you guys
are having fun with Kupe Kupersmith today. So cool. You know we were talking
previously so you were an accountant you went to an improv comedian but then
you decided to leave that and become an I.T. consultant and then back to an
improv comedian. So tell me a little bit about that journey.
00:16:44;29
- 00:16:58;12
Kupe Kupersmith: Yeah.
Before I get to that I just forgot to mention earlier about that music I love
that I don't know what instrument they're playing or some technical thing that
I want to I can get that for my like voicemail or something.
00:16:58;25
- 00:17:06;15
Rick A. Morris: Yes
I actually own the rights to that song and it only cost me a quarter of a
million dollars. I can tell you that story later this hour.
00:17:06;21
- 00:17:12;02
Kupe Kupersmith: Well
well maybe I don't need it for my voice but I say that I love it.
00:17:12;08
- 00:18:05;15
Kupe Kupersmith: Got
it it's very catchy. So yeah. So I was kind of the improv and I side kind of
went almost in parallel actually. So the while I was trying to figure out what
I wanted to do when I was when I grew up I started doing the improv but then I
also got into the I.T. world because that was a subject matter expert in
financial applications and I was working with the I.T. teams at the time the
early 90s working on upgrading to PeopleSoft and the big ERP packages and I
would work with the teams closely and I was that power user subject matter
experts who when I enjoyed that so much I was like well maybe that's kind of my
angle let me give it a try and I became a business analyst and the later
project manager and kind of settled in and kind of the business analysis space
technical team.
00:18:05;22
- 00:19:29;11
Kupe Kupersmith: So
now I was running those two lives in parallel and then my wife and I. So Janine
who I talked about earlier that kind of pushed me to to try to stand up. We
ended up getting married and then we were going to have a family. And you know
I said we practiced three times a week. We were performing every weekend and I
had a full time job now. And you know she said hey we're going to have a
family. Got to give one of the two things. Right. Can't be performing all the
time and doing your I.T. job. So sat back and thought and at the time improv. I
think a decent salary in the I.T. career was improv who was paying you about
fifty dollars a week so you could imagine maybe what I decided to do instead of
going full head on into the improv. I decided to kind of let that go and stick
with the courier so that's how I got into business and now you know back to the
Improv side where I do most of my performing is for corporate America right and
helping people use improv skills and in my bio you read like that is where I
credit everything to my success to back to my improv skills and how I can
connect with people how I collaborate with people and you know I always thought
Why do I love being on teams. What was it about being on teams. Why did people
want me on their team. And it came.
00:19:29;11
- 00:19:48;27
Kupe Kupersmith: It
comes down to you're 100 percent down to my improv training that I've had and
experience so I want to make a clarifying comment in the flow of his story
there because you said you know my wife and I were trying to have children and
you know we were practicing three times a week. Your breaks in.
00:19:49;06
- 00:20:01;24
Rick A. Morris: I
just want to make sure that we're being very clear you said my wife and I were
trying to have children and we were practicing three times a week.
00:20:01;29
- 00:20:04;17
Kupe Kupersmith: We
were practicing more than that.
00:20:04;18
- 00:20:29;02
Rick A. Morris: But
you know anyway back to improv it's Friday we're silly let's say so you know.
So you talked about how you got into improv. But you know what's good in
practicing improv skills you don't need to practice improv skills just to be a
comedian. I mean how can people practically use improv just in everyday
situations.
00:20:29;06
- 00:22:26;11
Kupe Kupersmith: Right.
It's one of the key things that people ask all the time I go you're teaching
improv. Trying to turn me into a comedian then the answer is no actually you
know the history of improv goes back to you know it was it was a way for actors
that were on stage theater actors to warm up and get ready and be prepared. And
then it forgot exactly what year but then it started to become kind of its own
art form and became improv comedy. But the improv itself the court to improv
and the lessons in improv can be used every day. I mean think about think about
what's happening right now. Rick you plan to somewhat for the show. Right. I
mean we had we talked a little while before the show we had Ymay Elle's back
and forth to we did some preparation but we don't have a script of exactly what
we're going to say. You don't have a list of questions that you're going to ask
me and I don't have like a script that answers those word by word. If you bump
into someone in the hallway at work you have a script when you have that
conversation if you're going to talk to a stakeholder about need you have a
script if somebody calls you on the phone do you have a script. If your
daughter comes down and ask you a question about something you have a script
no. So in life we don't have a script. Just like on stage with improv we don't
have scripts so every waking moment where improvising. So if you think about it
in those terms then now you can be like okay I have to get better at that
improv thing and not being a comedian. I do think in the workplace we could
probably be having more fun but that doesn't mean you have to be a standup
comedian or cracking jokes all the time. It's just I think we need to relax a
little. You know this whole show is the work life balance. I like to almost say
there needs to be a work life blend and that's one of the things like you don't
just have fun outside work you can have fun at work as well. But you don't have
to be a comedian.
00:22:27;26
- 00:23:23;24
Rick A. Morris: No.
And humor is always been a natural mechanism for me. And what I've mastered over
time is to be able to use that to relieve tension of tense moments in meetings
you know somebody just said something and you know you can feel the tension and
be unable to make that witty comment to move it on. But I've taught my kids you
know and you know Maxwell wrote a book you know everybody communicates few
connect. I think it's a beautiful book. If nobody's ever read that but I teach
my kids I tell them that every interaction is a transaction and somebody is
buying and it's based on relationship capital. So you can either leave them
feeling good or leave them feeling bad in it. You know a debit or credit in
that relationship bank. So humor is such a beautiful. Not only that but there's
medical reasons to laugh. There's laughter produces all kinds of wonderfully
beautiful feelings. So why not be known for the person that can always make you
laugh.
00:23:25;03
- 00:23:33;22
Kupe Kupersmith: Absolutely.
So an example of this is how I use improv or comedy or you know fun like that
in the workplace.
00:23:33;23
- 00:24:08;29
Kupe Kupersmith: Perfect
example I have is I was on a conference call with me and three other people and
we were we were talking about we were trying to figure out how you know we were
all speakers and we were trying to figure out how can we collaborate and maybe
kind of work together and do this. And early on in the conversation somebody
said you know I can be in Vancouver. Joe can be in Sydney Australia. Tim can be
over in London and it's going to be in Topeka Kansas. And I said wait a minute
why why am I in Topeka.
00:24:08;29
- 00:24:14;04
Rick A. Morris: You
know that seems like the worst place out of the family and everybody everybody
on the line.
00:24:14;07
- 00:26:24;20
Kupe Kupersmith: Right.
So I like that's where I kept that moment in my head. I'm like All right. When
we get to a tense point in this conversation because I knew it would. You know
there's egos involved. So I knew at some point it would get a little tense and
I just held onto that noticing. So this is the listening part of improv that
helps is like listen to what made everybody laugh and then of course there was
a tense moment in the conversation and two people were debating about something
and it felt like it was getting a little too tense not not good healthy
tension. So do I just say hey guys wait a minute at least you guys aren't in
Topeka Kansas. You know and at that moment it broke that tension and we were
able to get back to the things that I mean that is one way to use improv and
that to me that is about listening and paying attention to what's happening in
conversation not just being part of a conversation but really focusing on
what's happening because in improv you know think about there's no script you
got an audience in front of you and you're trying to to make them laugh. I mean
that's the big idea. You're trying to make them laugh so you have to focus so
much on what the other actors are doing and listen for offers like listen to
thing because you've got to respond really quickly on stage. So you got to
listen for things and figure out what did they say and what can I think of in a
split second to react to what they're saying though. And that level of focus
that you have to have as an improviser we need to have that level of focus. As
in all of our conversations just like that the level of focus I have right now
there's no I am not checking my email although I have my computer up and things
are around. I'm not checking my e-mail. I'm just focusing solely on not
thinking about anything else except this conversation. I think especially in
corporate America you get into these conference rooms people are slouch back
there checking their e-mails. They're on their phone on their computer doing
200 things at the same time. Things are not as efficient. And to your point
relationships are being fractured because of how other people are interacting
with each other.
00:26:25;02
- 00:27:27;27
Rick A. Morris: I'm
sorry I wasn't listening to this point because I was checking my e-mail. But
the point being no one in the crowd right. Sorry that was me. Hopefully what
she said was important but what I don't know what it says is you know even even
this the side job. Can I take out what I like about improv and practicing is
you know comparisons and drawing comparisons. You know there's a great game
that you do that with and things come into your brain and you get older and
have a fantastic filter. But even in boring topics like side and exact a
roomful of executives you are talking about resource management. It was getting
tough and they were like You know I love the we don't have time to do resource
management in my comeback was that it's like saying you're too fat to diet. And
that but but that disarmed them and all of a sudden they just all broke out
lavender and that's when I know I have a room that's when I know I'm and I'm
ready to teach and ready to make an impressionable point because I've got them
relaxed because it makes sense.
00:27:27;28
- 00:27:36;19
Kupe Kupersmith: Yeah
absolutely. And one of the hives. So this is another key thing and I want to
get back at some point to listening because it is a great game that we play to
help with that focus.
00:27:36;21
- 00:29:20;08
Kupe Kupersmith: But
you just brought up another awesome point about improv like you could have said
that and at the end sometime and maybe you've been doing this long enough x a
year you kind of know at what point to kind of throw that stuff in there where
you think the either the class you're in or in the conference room that you're
in the people you're dealing with. But one of the things in improv what helped
me a lot is get comfortable with risk taking trying things and if they don't
work adapting and trying something else and I think that's so important in the
workplace because too often decisions don't get made. People don't try stuff
because they're afraid of failure. And in improv you know there's some troops
but better called you know tight roping without a wire or a net or whatever it
is because it's really risky you try something somebody says something onstage
you have to react right away. And again our goal with improv comedy is make
people laugh. So you would try something and it would fall flat. It would make
sense it wasn't good but that it's OK because another actor again is going to
have your back and give you something else to play off of. So with that risk
taking piece that it made me comfortable. Now in the workplace if I'm not sure
what to do or you have this tense moment you know what I'm going to try to
throw out the analogy about being too fat to diet. And let's see what happens.
Sometimes it falls flat but you can't just fall apart because that one liner
didn't work. You got to keep going and not be persistent.
Rick A. Morris: And
that's a great point so when we come back we're going to talk about how listening
affects improv and we'll be right back with Kupe Kupersmith you're listening
into the work life balance which requires.
00:32:18;25
- 00:32:32;14
Rick A. Morris: And
we're back to the work life balance with Kupe Kupersmith. We've been talking
about improv and applying improv and right before the break we tease that we
were talking about listening in improv.
00:32:32;14
- 00:32:49;14
Kupe Kupersmith: So
why is listening and improv so important is that we talked about that a little
the key is there are no no scripts. I see you don't know what the other actors
you or the other players that you're up there with are going to do or say.
00:32:49;14
- 00:34:57;05
Kupe Kupersmith: So
the level of focus you have to have is intense and you have to respond at a
speed that works with the other actors so that they can respond. You know I
said earlier like the never wanted to be the one getting all the punchlines. We
would always try to serve stuff up to the other players and make them more
awesome. So if you think about now and in the workplace or even personal
relationships and we all know those people that communicate at a speed so fast
and talk at a level. And I've been in those conference rooms with these really
smart people articulate people that nobody can keep up with them right. They
can't can't focus. So I play this game when when I'm training the on that I
play this game called The Mirror game and the two people get up and they stand
up there looking face the face. They have their hands up kind of you know like
a field goal position and then I tell them to start they're now a mirror so
start to mirror each other and move your hands move your body move your face do
whatever but you have to act like you're a mirror and the first time people do
this. Everybody is trying to beat the other person and there's always one like
Fast Eddie out there that's going so fast that there's no way the other person
can keep up. So listening is not just with your ears it's it's with your eyes
and watching the people that you're communicating with. So you have to go at
one go at a speed that other people can keep up with the communication. So
listening to people always think listening is the other person's job. But I
really think communication in general is if you're trying to communicate
something it's your job to figure out how you need to communicate and go at a
speed that the other person can consume it. And there's so much information
flying at us every day that you have to really keep an eye out and quote
unquote listen to what the audience is doing and are they keeping up with your
topic in the thing you're talking about again it's not about making yourself
look good it's about making the other people look good.
00:34:58;26
- 00:35:54;09
Rick A. Morris: Absolutely.
Absolutely. You know it's funny. I watched a guy while I was at Maxwell this
week I shared a story about listening. And there was a gentleman and he's you
know he's got a million people in his downline at Amway. Actually this was Dr.
Robert Rohm was sharing the stories that a million million people in his down
line. And I was going to an event landed in a private jet and told the guy you
know make sure you get everything out of my bags or everything on the plane to
get to this event when he gets to the event he said where's the small bag. And
the guy said I'm sorry I know it started because while it was inside the plane
and it's got my blood pressure medicine and it's very important I have to take
it. And he says I apologize that I didn't confirm he listened to me properly
that's completely my fault. So I'm happy to go back and get it. And what a
beautiful moment right. Well said.
00:35:55;12
- 00:36:16;17
Kupe Kupersmith: Yeah.
So here's another story we brought. So before I started doing comedy. I was
approached to do Amway and if I knew I could add a million people in my down
behind them you know going flying private jets maybe I would have chosen Amway
over over and for no doubt no doubt.
00:36:19;02
- 00:36:24;21
Rick A. Morris: So
you mentioned the mirror game. What's another one of your favorite games that
you like to play in improv.
00:36:25;28
- 00:36:37;12
Kupe Kupersmith: So
when it comes down to it the favorite game for me and I think the mother the
reason why I love this game and it's called Yes and I think it's becoming more
and more popular.
00:36:37;27
- 00:37:11;07
Kupe Kupersmith: We
were just talking you know on the break that you used it in an agile class that
you teach. I see it a lot in the Agile community as well. Yes. And and the
reason that the game is all about the mother of all improv rules and no denying
that he never did on stage the reason for that is you put all the pressure back
on the other actors. So think about it if you and I were doing a performance
and you came on and said hey to let let's play baseball and I'm like I am not
in the mood how would that go over onstage.
00:37:11;16
- 00:37:12;29
Rick A. Morris: Exactly.
00:37:12;29
- 00:40:27;05
Kupe Kupersmith: It
would fall flat and then it puts all the pressure back on you to come up with
something else. So doesn't work on stage. So you have to the whole concept is
you take an idea you take somebody said use that idea to build upon it and
grow. So. So when you know for business professionals what I do. One of the we
play this game and I have people pair up and they play. Yes. And in the way it
works is if you want to play at home with your family you basically somebody
says something take a topic any topic somebody starts off with a sign the other
person says yes and and then adds to the conversation and then it goes back to
the first person and they say yes and then they continue to add on to the
conversation. So I often have people because it's still not happening yet. I
have people build vacation homes on the moon. So you can imagine like how that
conversation goes you know like oh let's have a pool. Yes. And our dog will
swim in the pool. Yes. And we'll bring all our friends and it just keeps
growing right. Do they have these elaborate vacation homes on the moon. And
then we talk about so how that feel would that mean to you guys happen use that
in the workplace. And one of the things that typically happens is everyone
feels it was very affirming right. I mean it felt good. Back to your point
about this is all about connection and building relationships so if you're
listening to people well if you're using this yes then mindset and being real
positive and affirming your building connections and trust with your
co-workers. So so people feel really good and then I ask you know so who said
but like who said yeah but. And there's always one or two in the crowd that
said it or I wanted to say right so somebody had a crazy idea and they were
like Yeah but you know we can't really have a pool on the moon right. So they
denied that person and yeah but is a big big time denial. And. You and I live
in the south of the south east US and I'm originally from New York and there's
other ways that you have denial in the workplace. It's not just yeah but then
we definitely have those managers. Let me start with this first leg. We have
those managers that even they claim like I have an open door policy. I want you
to come in and talk to me give ideas we have to innovate. We have to change we
have to get better. So you have ideas come in my office tell me open door
policy and you come rushing in there and you're like hey boss I got an idea I
think we should do X Y and Z. They're like yeah but we don't have the money for
that or yeah but we try that last year and it didn't work. Yeah but we don't
have the time to do that. And those yeah but. And you can imagine. I mean I've
been in that position right where I kept getting yeah but happening to me to
many but get thrown at me. And what do you do. You just stop. You say well
forget it. I don't want to do it anymore. Tell me what you want me to do. So
that's why you got to remove the bumps from your language right. That's the key
here. But there are other ways that you say but. And here in the south Rick you
know this one. Bless your heart.
00:40:27;12
- 00:40:30;15
Rick A. Morris: Oh
yes. I was hoping you'd say that for sure.
00:40:30;24
- 00:40:38;04
Kupe Kupersmith: That
is the biggest denial. You know I know it's funny when I first moved to Atlanta
from New York. Everybody was like Oh. Bless your heart.
00:40:40;02
- 00:43:38;20
Kupe Kupersmith: And
I'm like This is amazing like I'm coming from New York where people have given
me the finger flipping me off right. And I come down here and every day I'm
getting blessed by people. But quickly quickly you learn that bless your heart
is is more of a state. And like you know your mom dropped you on your head a
few many times. You're not that smart. Here's how are we going to do things. So
there's a lot of that passive aggressive but that go on out there. We have to
remove that from our language. The challenge is you know in playing this game
with building a vacation home on the moon you can do whatever you want. There's
no constraints it's like we're just having fun and you can go as wide as
possible so it was really good and we can think about this in terms of when we
were brainstorming with a team. It's a really good technique. But in a lot of
other conversations we have constraints there in real life there are budget
constraints there are time constraints there are resource constraints so how
can we not say yeah but we have to talk about that stuff. So there's just a
different is a switch in your language as you can use to make sure that you
kind of don't say. But at the same time you don't have to agree 100 percent. So
what I like to is the mindset shift is you have to have. Is that the idea that
somebody says and this is the yes part of yes. Then something that whatever
somebody says to them is reality or whatever idea they have whatever thing
they're bringing up they think it's a great idea by you saying yes. But it's
like you heard them at the same time you think they're crazy or that idea's not
going to work. So you have to switch your mentality to think that put it back
on you like the the doctor you talked about with Amway they put the listening
back on him. You have to put the fact of this idea you have to put back on
yourself that you don't know what it means yet you don't completely understand.
So the person is not crazy. They have an idea. They think it's a legit idea. So
don't point to them. Put them on the defense thing their idea is crazy it put
it back on you that you don't understand completely yet. So just asking a
question help me understand how we're going to do that. I don't see that you
know we have a limited budget. How are we going to do this. Tell me give me
more information. Right. And maybe that they're going to be able to say oh well
actually we don't need a lot of money at all. We already have this license and
we can do this. And all we need is 100 bucks and it can be done like oh wow I
didn't even know we have that we can do it. So just by flipping that switch to
put it back on you and not put it on the person that had the idea is a way you
can use Yes and without saying yes and and always agreeing with something.
00:43:38;21
- 00:43:41;21
Kupe Kupersmith: The
other component to the other.
00:43:42;02
- 00:43:53;11
Rick A. Morris: Now
let's we'll step into that other component we were up against a break here. But
I do I do love that it is something that we used quite a bit in design as well
and we've actually designed some really big ideas.
00:43:53;11
- 00:44:12;29
Rick A. Morris: By
not saying well there's no way we can get that done and just exploring that in
an hour session in a very real context but we're going to be right back with Kupe
Kupersmith in our final segment of the work life balance on this Friday
afternoon. You're listening to Rick Morris.
00:47:04;19
- 00:47:20;26
Rick A. Morris: And
we're back for our final segment of the work life balance with Kupe Kupersmith
and Kupe right before we went to break we were talking about the Yes and game
and how important that is to remove the buts out of your conversation. But
there was another component and I had to cut you out for break and I apologize.
So what was the other component you were trying to come to.
00:47:22;02
- 00:47:57;10
Kupe Kupersmith: That
is just another language thing or words that you can use is essentially in
brainstorming sessions. So instead of denying it a lot of times people don't
deny those but sometimes they do or they don't fully grasp what somebody is
saying. So they might they might use the word for that or is also their real
close to denial like so think about it. You know I was like Hey Rick let's go
to a dinner tonight. Let's grab some Chinese New Year like or we can go for
Italian.
00:47:57;21
- 00:48:02;29
Kupe Kupersmith: That
to me is like so I was like bless your heart and took on a leading lady.
00:48:03;11
- 00:49:36;05
Kupe Kupersmith: If
he said something like you know Feste yuan or Japanese maybe you know some
other Asian culture maybe that would work. But he totally went a different
angle. To me that would feel like a dinner if he got to be careful with or. But
when you can use the word what I like about that is right. Ooh what I liked
about that is that a lot of Chinese restaurants they have they have like family
style dinners another type of places that we have family style is Italian.
Right. So you're saying what I like about that is that you're recognizing that
there's something that the person said that you can latch onto and I think you
know in the workplace it's really you know we know there's people that we don't
completely see eye to eye with. And sometimes you get in meetings and it
doesn't feel good. And everything they say my turkey will little though I think
you have to be the bigger person and kind of go with the. Yes and kind of
attitude to really connect with people on this. You know it's all about
collaboration these days. There's not. I mean my kids have young kids and
they're in school they're working on projects all the time. I mean I don't know
anybody in the workplace now that just sits in their office and they close
their door and people push paper under the door you do something with it and
you put it back under the door you're always working with somebody in some
fashion so you don't get better at collaboration and communication like this
and this connectedness then it's just going to hinder you in life in general.
00:49:36;13
- 00:50:32;09
Rick A. Morris: It's
mindshare right. The one word is the mind shift. So it's not I have to go to
this meeting it's I get to go to this meeting right. One word changes an
attitude and an approach that that opens doors and possibilities. That's what
yes and so when we do design sessions we say what's the really big idea we're
going to save a million dollars in the next six months. In just throw it out
there. And the first and I go great because I know your first reaction is this
is impossible. So the way we're going to do this is yes we will. And here's how
we're going to do it. Let's start small and here we go. But nobody can say no
nobody can say but nobody can say it's impossible. Everything is yes. And how
are we going to do this. And we're not leaving here until we have our path. So
let's get to work. And it's very powerful the ideas that you can generate by
having that positive mindset. So speaking of positive mindsets what some of the
best advice you've ever received.
00:50:33;05
- 00:52:25;02
Kupe Kupersmith: Yeah
it's funny because I think you said it in in one way or another just in that
last follow up there. I think for me the greatest advice was around keeping
your eyes open to opportunity and it actually goes with the yes mindset. Like
never always think you know when something approaches you and if you look at my
career and the things that I've done and like I didn't have the like well laid
out plan that OK I'm going to go to college and I'm 17 I'm going to graduate
I'm going to do this and then to do that. And you know now I'm in my late 40s
and everything is worked out exactly like Atlanta. That's just not how life go.
So with it being open opportunities. Like someone told me like just look for
opportunities be open to those opportunities and then go for some of them say
yes. Right. And that's you know as a consultant that's what I do a lot. If I if
I said no to everything then I wouldn't make a lot of money. So you have to
have somebody says hey you want to do this. Yes let's do it. Let's go for it
and see what happens. I do this in life in general. I do this with networking.
My goal in life is to meet everybody in the world. And I have that goal because
I never know when a connection when somebody I connect with is either going to
help them or they're going to help me. So I just have a goal to meet everybody
and that I'm not limited who I talk to and who I meet. If I go to a party and
see 50 people I want to meet everybody in that room regardless of their title
who they are their status whatever it is. So when someone comes up to me and
says hello. I accept that hello and have a conversation and connect with them.
So always keep your eyes open to opportunity.
00:52:25;07
- 00:52:48;12
Rick A. Morris: I
think that's fantastic. I heard something really profound this week. I've got
eight pages of quotes so I'm not trying to overhear videos about but that every
opportunity is surrounded by problems so expect it. But look for the
opportunity within the problem which I thought was just one of the most
brilliant things I've ever heard. Great. To me it's like nobody nobody ever got
successful perfectly.
00:52:48;14
- 00:52:56;06
Rick A. Morris: Nobody
ever opened up a business and it was such a perfect run through it. Nothing
ever not happened and all of a sudden I had a million dollars.
00:52:56;07
- 00:52:58;14
Kupe Kupersmith: And
I'm like Hey. Right.
00:52:58;15
- 00:53:08;17
Rick A. Morris: I
mean it was a wonderfully. Way to state that. But I want to make sure that we
were running out of time here and want to make sure that everybody knows how to
get in touch with you. How did they get in touch with you.
00:53:09;02
- 00:53:38;02
Kupe Kupersmith: So
the best way you can hit me up on Twitter I'm just at Kupe. You can shoot me an
email Kupe@talks.com. See what I'm up to and what I have to offer made it his
way we can connect in and work together. I'd love to. You know I want to make
other people awesome and I do that through this improv advantage so there's any
way I can help help you let me know.
00:53:39;08
- 00:53:50;23
Rick A. Morris: Outstanding
Well we certainly appreciate your time and spending time with us and we were
talking on the break we have to have you back. So I'm going to put you on the
spot in front of the audience and ask you back so hopefully we can continue
this conversation soon.
00:53:51;27
- 00:53:54;05
Kupe Kupersmith: What
if I say no I don't want to come back Rick.
00:53:54;23
- 00:54:01;26
Rick A. Morris: I
get it out of your test. Yes it was yes and you already knew the answer before
I asked you. It's been a pleasure.
00:54:01;26
- 00:54:29;04
Rick A. Morris: So
next week we're going to detox the the John Maxwell experience and I'm going to
share with you guys the things that I learned from this past event which is
going to be incredible. And then we'll have Johanna Rothman on the show right
after that. We've got lots of great things coming on the Voice America Network
and on the work life balance we hope that you'll continue to join us as you
have on every Friday right here on the work life balance sheet. Been listening
to Rick Morris we'll see you next Friday.
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